Why is Blaming Such a Problem?
Judging & Blaming
Just the other night at dinner time, my daughter talked about an experience that she said just made her day! She said it was the best experience she has had on the road in a long time. She was listening to something I would probably find annoying like the High School Musical Soundtrack. She was dancing and completely getting into the music. Then, she stopped at a traffic light!
Remember that when you are pointing at someone else all the rest of your fingers are pointing right back at you.
Harmful Effects of Blame
We are indebted to the work of Dr. Brene Brown in this area. Dr. Brown has studied shame and blame more than probably any other researcher. She has asked “Do you enjoy blame?” We are all prone to do it. She said “blame is the discharging of discomfort and pain” and her research has found that “blame is corrosive” to relationships and work places and the world. Just look around and you see it everywhere. Blame is corroding marriages, families, work places, politics, and more. Please watch for a helpful summary.
Why is blame such a big deal?
Blame and personal accountability cannot exist in the same space.
Empathy is a crucial balm to have applied when we have been hurt and when we have gone through a rough break-up or divorce, a separation from a place of employment, or other painful event. However, you cannot obtain empathy and true support when blaming is occurring. The heated discharge of blame will always prevent the cooling balm of empathy. Those who are stuck in blaming will have a hard time healing from things big and small.
So, I would like to end my message with two challenges here to help us all stop pointing the finger at others:
Second, if you are following a friend on Facebook or listening to a friend who has the habit of blaming, please don’t join in the blame game. This just engages you in this same corrosive process and you are, in fact, adding to the problem. We often think we are helping when we join with the blamer and add our pointing fingers to the mix. We often feel duty bound to do this if it is a family member or close friend. However, I beg of you to resist this temptation. It will hurt you and it definitely hurts the person you are intending to support. You are keeping them stuck in their pain.
Extend a warm and empathetic hand to help them take down the pointing finger of blame.
When we are tempted to blame others for our predicament or join others who are engaged in finger pointing and blaming others, let’s do like that man who paused and chose to respond in a better way. Let’s meet blame with empathy and accountability. Let’s heal and get on the road to better.